FLUSH THIS TURD NOVEMBER 3rd!
Way back in 1988, Frank Zappa and his band played three nights in February at the Warner Theatre In Washington, DC., and I bought tickets to all three shows.
On the first night I witnessed “The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life” play two amazing sets and encores. The Secret Word was “Confinement Loaf”, and Frank explained how he had seen a story on CNN about this new product being introduced into our prison systems made of bean by-products compressed into a loaf, intended for problem prisoners. A slice of “confinement loaf” and a glass of water would be their fare, and it seemed to calm them right down. “How long before ‘confinement loaf’ appears in United States High Schools?” he pondered, going right into “Dickey’s Such An Asshole.”
This stuck with me. So the next day, I tore a white sheet in half, and with black ink I airbrushed two banners to take with me to the next show. One was a big stylized image of Frank’s face with the words “ZAPPA FOR PREZ!” blazing across it. It was an election year after all, and Frank had register to vote tables in the hallways surrounding the concert hall.
The other banner depicted a pair of legs dropping trou, topped by some bubble buns and a giant piece of shit with Ronald Reagan’s face on it extruding from the asshole. “IT’S TIME TO PINCH THE LOAF” was the caption, and now I was all set for the next night's show.
Sure enough, the next night the Secret Word was “Confinement Loaf” again. When Frank started telling the CNN story, I got into the line of people bringing him various paraphernalia with which to decorate the stage (as was customary at a Zappa concert).
I was wearing my “ZAPPA FOR PREZ!” as a cape when I finally made it to the stage to present my “PINCH THE LOAF!” banner. The band was just beginning “Dickey’s Such an Asshole” (“One and one is eleven. Two and two are twenty two-oo”... ) when I showed my cape to the crowd and held open my banner.
Ike Willis started laughing and then Frank started laughing too. He shook my hand saying “Good One!” and held it up to the audience before draping it over a nearby monitor for all to see.
I made my way back to my seat on cloud nine. I made my hero, Frank Zappa, laugh! And I mean REALLY laugh! The Master of Satire, the Genius himself, laughed at MY joke, shook my hand, and told me it was a good one!
But that’s not all, folks. When it was time for Frank’s guitar solo, Ike Willis exclaimed “Pinch that loaf now!” and Frank proceeded to pinch off a mean one... for me... sort of... in my mind anyway... completely awesome!
I really don’t remember much else about the rest of the show that night except, of course, the reggae arrangement of "Stairway to Heaven", complete with Jimmy Page’s solo played in perfect five-part harmony by the Fowler brothers’ brass section!
AMAZING!
Sadly, it turned out to be Frank's last tour. He died just five years later and is still VERY sorely missed.
In 1990 I bought 'Broadway The Hardway' on a cassette tape (remember those?) and on the track “Dickie’s Such an Asshole” I heard the “Good One!”, the laughing, and all the rest and realized that it had to have been recorded at that February 9th, Warner Theatre show.
I played it for my buds who were with me at the concert that night and they confirmed my suspicions. It was definitely the same show, and it was definitely my “Frank moment,” captured forever for posterity.
So that’s my claim to fame that no one’s ever heard of - I’m the guy that helped “pinch the loaf” on 'Broadway the Hardway!' Frank Zappa included a recording of it on the album, so I’m kinda part of his oeuvre and catalog.
I know some folks HATE that ramble and feel it ruined that version of the song, but I like to think it was a nod to me (or maybe just a good solo?) to include it.
In any event - I love it!
So... the entire reason for this website is simply this:
Donald J. Trump is surely WAY more of a piece of shit than Ronald Reagan ever was, and if Frank-fucking-Zappa thought it was a “Good one!” when I drew the Ol' Gipper as such, then it's DEFINITELY a "Good one!" to portray our current POTUS as the TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT HE REALLY IS, in an effort to help
VOTE HIM OUT ON NOVEMBER 3rd!
Just tryin' to do my part.
Please don't forget to do yours!